English subtitles for clip: File:President Obama Speaks About Fatherhood.webm

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The President:
Let me, first of all, thank John and Joe and Juan Carlos and Etan

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and Mike for sharing their
remarkable stories with us.

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And let me thank Mike
Strautmanis for helping to guide

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us through this process
-- where'd Mike go?

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There he is, over there.

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A couple other people that
I want to acknowledge --

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first of all, our terrific
Secretary of Transportation Ray

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LaHood is here in the house.

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(applause)

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A dear friend of mine, former
colleague in the Senate,

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Senator Evan Bayh is here.

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(applause)

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Chicago's own, Congressman Danny
Davis, from the West Side.

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Where's Danny?

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He was here a second ago.

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Give him a round
of applause anyway.

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(applause)

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And I want to thank kids from
"Life Pieces to Master Pieces,"

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and Foundry United
Methodist Church.

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Thank you very much
for your participation.

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(applause)

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And I want to thank members
of the Faith-Based Advisory

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Council's Subcommittee on Fatherhood that has helped us to

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organize these events today.

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Good afternoon, everybody.

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It is wonderful to see you.

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I see some familiar
faces in the house.

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Rev, how are you doing?

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It is great to have all of you
here today as we gear up to

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celebrate Father's Day and to
recognize the vital role that

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fathers play in our communities
and obviously in our families.

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This town hall marks the
beginning of a national

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conversation that we hope to
start about fatherhood and

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personal responsibility -- about how fathers across America are

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meeting the challenges in
their families and communities,

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and what government can do to support those who are having a

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difficult time.

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Today, you've had a chance to
hear from five of those fathers,

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men who are doing an outstanding
job of meeting their obligations

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in their own lives.

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We all know the difference
that a responsible,

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committed father like those five
gentlemen can make in the life

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of a child.

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Fathers are our first
teachers and coaches.

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They're our mentors and
they're our role models.

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They set an example of success
and they push us to succeed;

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encourage us when
we're struggling;

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and they love us even
when we disappoint them,

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and they stand by us
when nobody else will.

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And when fathers are absent
-- when they abandon their

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responsibilities to
their children --

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we know the damage that
that does to our families.

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Some of you know the statistics:
Children who grow up without

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fathers are more likely to drop
out of school and wind up in prison.

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They're more likely to have
substance abuse problems,

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run away from home, and become
teenage parents themselves.

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And I say this as someone who
grew up without a father in my own life.

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I had a heroic mom and wonderful
grandparents who helped raise me

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and my sister, and it's because
of them that I'm able to stand

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here today.

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But despite all their
extraordinary love and

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attention, that doesn't mean
that I didn't feel my father's absence.

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That's something that leaves a
hole in a child's heart that a

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government can't fill.

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Our government can build the
best schools with the best

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teachers on Earth, but we still
need fathers to ensure that the

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kids are coming home and
doing their homework,

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and having a book instead of the
TV remote every once in a while.

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Government can put more
cops on the streets,

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but only fathers can make sure
that those kids aren't on the

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streets in the first place.

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Government can create good jobs,
but we need fathers to train for

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these jobs and hold down these
jobs and provide for their families.

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If we want our children
to succeed in life,

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we need fathers to step up.

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We need fathers to understand
that their work doesn't end with

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conception -- that what truly makes a man a father is the

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ability to raise a child
and invest in that child.

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We need fathers to be involved
in their kids' lives not just

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when it's easy -- not just during the afternoons in the

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park or at the zoo, when
it's all fun and games --

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but when it's hard, when
young people are struggling,

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and there aren't any quick
fixes or easy answers,

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and that's when young people
need compassion and patience,

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as well as a little
bit of tough love.

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Now, this is a challenge
even in good times.

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And it can be especially tough
during times like these,

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when parents have a
lot on their minds --

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they're worrying about
keeping their jobs,

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or keeping their homes or their
health care, paying their bills,

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trying to give their children
the same opportunities that they had.

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And so it's understandable
that parents get concerned,

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some fathers who feel they
can't support their families,

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get distracted.

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And even those who are more
fortunate may be physically

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present, but emotionally absent.

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I know that some of the young
men who are here today might

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have their own concerns
one day about being a dad.

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Some of you might be worried
that if you didn't have a

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father, then you don't know how
to be one when your turn comes.

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Some of you might even use that
as an excuse, and say, "Well,

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if my dad wasn't around,
why should I be?"

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Let's be clear: Just because
your own father wasn't there for

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you, that's not an excuse
for you to be absent also --

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it's all the more reason
for you to be present.

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There's no rule that says that
you have to repeat your father's mistakes.

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Just the opposite -- you have an obligation to break the cycle

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and to learn from
those mistakes,

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and to rise up where your own fathers fell short and to do

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better than they did
with your own children.

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That's what I've tried
to do in my life.

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When my daughters were born,
I made a pledge to them,

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and to myself, that I would do
everything I could to give them

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some things I didn't have.

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And I decided that if I
could be one thing in life,

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it would be to be a good father.

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I haven't always known
exactly how to do that.

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I've made my share of mistakes;
I've had to ask a lot of questions.

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But I've also learned
from men that I admire.

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And one good example
is Michelle's father,

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Frasier Robinson, who was a
shining example of loving,

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responsible fatherhood.

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Here is a man who was diagnosed
with multiple sclerosis when he

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was 30 years old, but he
still got up every day,

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went to a blue-collar job.

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By the time I knew him he was
using two crutches to get

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around, but he always was able
to get to every dance recital,

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every ballgame of
Michelle's brother.

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He was there constantly, and
helped to shape extraordinary

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success for his children.

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And that's the standard
that I strive for,

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though I don't always meet it.

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And as I've said before, I've
made mistakes as a parent,

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and I'm sure I will
make plenty more.

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There have been days when the
demands of work have taken me

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from my duties as a father and
I've missed some moments in my

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daughters' lives that
I'll never get back.

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So I've been far from perfect.

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But in the end, it's
not about being perfect.

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It's not always
about succeeding;

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but it's about always trying.

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And that's something
everybody can do.

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It's about showing up
and sticking with it;

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and going back at
it when you mess up;

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and letting your kids know
-- not just with words,

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but with deeds -- that you love them and that you're always --

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they're always your
first priority.

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And we need dads -- but
also men who aren't dads --

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to make this kind of commitment
not just in their own homes to

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their own families, but to the
many young people out there who

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aren't lucky enough to have
responsible adults in their lives.

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We need committed, compassionate
men to serve as mentors and

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tutors, and big brothers
and foster parents.

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Even if it's just for a couple
hours a week of shooting hoops,

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or helping with homework, or
just talking about what's going

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on in that young person's life.

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Even the smallest moments can
end up having an enormous

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impact, a lasting impact
on a child's life.

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So I am grateful to many of the
organizations that are here,

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that are working
on these issues.

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Some are faith-based;
some are not.

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Some are government funded;
some are privately funded.

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But all of you have those same
commitments to making sure that

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we are lifting up the
importance of fatherhood in our communities.

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This is not the end,
this is the beginning,

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of what I hope is going
to be a national dialogue.

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And we're going to have
regional town hall meetings,

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as Mike may have mentioned, to
make sure that participants all

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across the country are starting
to have that positive effect in

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their communities.

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And I especially want to thank
the young people who are here

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today, because you're the
ones who are going to have

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to carry this message forward.

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(applause)

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So with that -- I know we've already had some discussion,

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and what I want to do is
to see if we can expand the conversation.

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We should have some microphones
in the audience so that

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everybody can be heard.

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Am I correct?

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Mike, are you going
to be like Oprah?

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Mr. Strautmanis:
I'm not going to be like Oprah.

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(laughter)

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The President:
Okay.

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So what I want to do is
just call on some folks.

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They can ask a question.

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They can share a story.

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Organizations that are doing
great work on fatherhood,

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please tell us a little bit
about the work that you are doing.

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And I want to especially hear
from some of the young people

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who somehow ended up
sitting in the back.

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(laughter)

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I don't know how that happened.

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I'm going to start with
this young man right here.

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Go ahead.

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Introduce yourself.

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Stand up, please.

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>> Yes, My name
is Roland Warren.

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I'm president of an organization
called National Fatherhood Initiative.

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And first, just thank you for
what you're doing on this issue.

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And a lot of folks have been
sort of toiling on this issue

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for a number of years, and to
have you come forward and step

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up and make this a national
priority is really important.

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And one of the things I
just want to say to you,

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that your message, in terms of
the fact that even though you've

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had obviously tremendous
success without your dad,

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the fact that you really needed
him and that kids have a hole in

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their souls essentially in the
shape of their dad I think is

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pretty important, because we
really need to focus on that

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issue; that we got to change the
legacy and help our kids pass on

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the legacy -- have our dads pass on a different legacy than maybe

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they inherited.

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I grew up without
my dad, as well,

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and went to Princeton and
things of that nature,

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but still needed him.

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That's one of the reasons
I do the work that I do.

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So I really am delighted that
you're doing the great work that

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you're doing around this issue.

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The President:
Thank you so much.

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Yes, I really want to emphasize
this point about how just small

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moments and gestures can
make a huge difference.

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A lot of folks know I
love playing basketball.

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But it was my father who
gave me my first basketball.

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Even though he wasn't
a part of my life,

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in the few weeks that I was with
him, he gave me a basketball.

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A lot of folks know I love jazz.

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It turns out he took me
to my first jazz concert.

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I didn't remember this
until later on in life,

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but just that
imprint is powerful.

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And imagine if that's
sustained every day.

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And especially, young men, when
they hit the teenage years,

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to have somebody there who is
there to steady them and to

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provide them with some guidance,
that makes all the difference in the world.

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And again, this is not to take
away from the heroic work that

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moms are doing.

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It's to emphasize
moms need some help --

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because if you're a
single mom like mine was,

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and maybe they're going
to school or working --

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the pressures are enormous.

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00:11:46,333 --> 00:11:51,333
And having somebody else there
who's able to carry on that

240
00:11:51,333 --> 00:11:55,063
child-rearing responsibility
is absolutely critical.

241
00:11:55,066 --> 00:11:57,036
Anybody else?

242
00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:59,403
Let me get one of these
young people here.

243
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,870
Go ahead.

244
00:12:01,867 --> 00:12:02,997
>> Good afternoon, everyone.

245
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,300
My name is Larry Holmes.

246
00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:07,400
I attend St. Albans
School for Boys.

247
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,570
And I would like to
ask you a question.

248
00:12:09,567 --> 00:12:10,797
The President:
Yes, go ahead.

249
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,700
>> Traveling from state to
state, country to country,

250
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:16,270
being the President,
which one is funner --

251
00:12:16,266 --> 00:12:18,436
being a father or
being a President?

252
00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:22,103
(laughter and applause)

253
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:27,670
The President:
Oh, well -- well, I mean this: Nothing is more fun than being

254
00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:29,067
a father.

255
00:12:29,066 --> 00:12:31,936
Now, my kids aren't teenagers
yet so I don't know --

256
00:12:31,934 --> 00:12:36,004
(laughter)

257
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,630
-- I don't know whether
that will maintain itself.

258
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:40,003
(laughter)

259
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:44,900
But right now the greatest joy I
get is just hanging out with the

260
00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:52,500
girls and talking to them and
watching them grow and succeed.

261
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:56,670
Probably the most fun that I've
had since I've been President

262
00:12:56,667 --> 00:12:59,097
was actually at a
parent-teachers conference where

263
00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:01,530
the teachers were
bragging on my children.

264
00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:02,403
(laughter)

265
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,970
And I just sat there and I
just basked in the glory of --

266
00:13:05,967 --> 00:13:07,667
(laughter)

267
00:13:07,667 --> 00:13:09,397
And now nothing is more important than that.

268
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:12,930
And I think a lot of
fathers can relate to that.

269
00:13:12,934 --> 00:13:16,064
But here's the important
point, is that,

270
00:13:16,066 --> 00:13:18,696
with as many
responsibilities as I have --

271
00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:23,700
and I've got a huge support
structure and staff and whatnot

272
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:27,300
-- it turns out that you can still carve out time to make

273
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:30,900
sure that you're having a
conversation with your kid.

274
00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:34,830
And what it does mean is, is
that fathers sometimes have to

275
00:13:34,834 --> 00:13:39,064
give up stuff that they'd
like to do instead,

276
00:13:39,066 --> 00:13:41,066
like just sit there
and watch Sportscenter.

277
00:13:41,066 --> 00:13:42,066
(laughter)

278
00:13:42,066 --> 00:13:43,636
And I know we got
D. Wade here --

279
00:13:43,633 --> 00:13:45,733
I like watching
the highlights --

280
00:13:45,734 --> 00:13:49,034
but sometimes instead of
watching the third, fourth --

281
00:13:49,033 --> 00:13:50,833
(laughter)

282
00:13:50,834 --> 00:13:54,104
-- fifth time Sportscenter,
I just watch it once --

283
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,970
(laughter)

284
00:13:55,967 --> 00:13:58,537
-- so that I can then spend
time with the girls --

285
00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:02,763
because they don't like
watching basketball that much.

286
00:14:02,767 --> 00:14:07,637
But being President is pretty
fun, too, no doubt about it.

287
00:14:07,633 --> 00:14:08,303
All right.

288
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:09,130
Great question.

289
00:14:09,133 --> 00:14:10,133
Next.

290
00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:11,303
Yes, sir -- right here.

291
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:12,630
>> Thank you, sir.

292
00:14:12,633 --> 00:14:14,563
The President:
Here, you got a microphone.

293
00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:15,297
>> Hi, Mr. President.

294
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:16,600
My name's Chris Maples.

295
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:19,200
I founded an organization in
Indianapolis called Dads, Inc.

296
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,930
-- four years ago
today, actually.

297
00:14:20,934 --> 00:14:26,334
And I hope that these dialogues
continue to let everybody know

298
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:29,733
that this isn't a rich or
poor, a North or South,

299
00:14:29,734 --> 00:14:34,034
a black or white; this is -- this affects everybody from the

300
00:14:34,033 --> 00:14:35,733
upper class to the lower class.

301
00:14:35,734 --> 00:14:38,634
And that's who we work
with, that broad range.

302
00:14:38,633 --> 00:14:44,303
And over these four years, I've
heard dramatic stories of --

303
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:48,370
just so appreciative that we
have a service in Indianapolis

304
00:14:48,367 --> 00:14:53,767
for all fathers, and that
everybody is appreciative of that.

305
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,637
And I hope we can keep that
up on a national level, too.

306
00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:56,403
The President:
Absolutely.

307
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:57,800
Absolutely.

308
00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:03,600
I think this is really
important to emphasize --

309
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:09,430
23% of young people are
growing up without fathers.

310
00:15:09,433 --> 00:15:11,463
Now, in the African
American community,

311
00:15:11,467 --> 00:15:14,597
it's close to 50%,
maybe a little over,

312
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,700
depending on the statistics
that you look at.

313
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:22,170
So there is a real crisis
going on the African American

314
00:15:22,166 --> 00:15:25,836
community on this issue, but
it is a more pervasive issue.

315
00:15:25,834 --> 00:15:30,264
And I just went to a wonderful
organization called Year Up that

316
00:15:30,266 --> 00:15:37,366
has young people who are getting
trained after high school,

317
00:15:37,367 --> 00:15:40,867
most of them, on specific
job-training skills,

318
00:15:40,867 --> 00:15:44,737
computer skills, but also how to
conduct themselves in an office

319
00:15:44,734 --> 00:15:47,004
and write an email, et cetera.

320
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,930
And it was wonderful talking
to these young people.

321
00:15:48,934 --> 00:15:53,164
But one of the things I said
specifically to the young men is

322
00:15:53,166 --> 00:15:57,836
that you can't use anything as
an excuse not to be involved

323
00:15:57,834 --> 00:16:01,004
with your children.

324
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:05,800
Because kids -- they won't judge you based on whether you're

325
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:09,200
wealthy or poor.

326
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:14,800
They will judge you if you
are abusive to their mother.

327
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:22,030
They will judge you in terms of
you not showing up when they need you.

328
00:16:22,033 --> 00:16:23,803
That's what makes a difference.

329
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:28,270
And kids will respect their
fathers if their fathers are

330
00:16:28,266 --> 00:16:33,236
showing kindness
and are modeling --

331
00:16:33,233 --> 00:16:35,863
that they're working hard and
trying to do what's right for

332
00:16:35,867 --> 00:16:37,137
their families.

333
00:16:37,133 --> 00:16:43,503
And kids will understand that
sometimes families fall on hard times.

334
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:44,630
They get that.

335
00:16:44,633 --> 00:16:48,363
Joe Biden is here -- and, Joe, actually, I want to talk to you,

336
00:16:48,367 --> 00:16:50,667
because you had a terrific
relationship with your dad,

337
00:16:50,667 --> 00:16:54,497
but there was a time where your
dad fell on some hard times,

338
00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:56,770
and yet you still talk about
him all the time as the most

339
00:16:56,767 --> 00:17:00,767
important guiding role
model in your life.

340
00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:03,367
The Vice President:
Well, Mr. President, I think it's great what you're doing,

341
00:17:03,367 --> 00:17:04,297
by the way.

342
00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:06,100
This is a big deal.

343
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:09,000
Folks, you know, the President
said sometimes fathers make

344
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,400
mistakes, and I've
made my share.

345
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,630
But there's one thing
my father told me --

346
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,833
there's a mistake a
father should never make,

347
00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:18,704
and that is communicating to his
child there's anything other

348
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:21,600
than total unconditional love.

349
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,670
If there's total
unconditional love --

350
00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:26,037
that includes discipline -- but if there's total unconditional

351
00:17:26,033 --> 00:17:28,963
love, it doesn't matter
whether you're rich or poor,

352
00:17:28,967 --> 00:17:31,397
whether or not you're a real
smart dad or you're not such a

353
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,600
smart dad, whether you're
handsome or you're not so --

354
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,370
it doesn't matter.

355
00:17:35,367 --> 00:17:36,567
It doesn't matter.

356
00:17:36,567 --> 00:17:37,597
Kids need love.

357
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,130
And as a single parent,
Mr. President --

358
00:17:39,133 --> 00:17:43,203
I did that for a while, having
two sons, as Evan knows.

359
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,730
And what I can say to you is -- my mom has an expression.

360
00:17:46,734 --> 00:17:49,264
He's always kidding me, I'm
always saying my mom and dad's expressions.

361
00:17:49,266 --> 00:17:51,796
But my mom has an expression.

362
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,370
And she said -- I could hear
her when she was a kid --

363
00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:57,037
when I was a kid,
saying it to her peers.

364
00:17:57,033 --> 00:17:59,363
She said, "Be careful how
you treat your children,

365
00:17:59,367 --> 00:18:00,797
you may need them some day."

366
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,930
(laughter)

367
00:18:02,934 --> 00:18:07,034
And I want to tell you, the
President knows my sons and my daughter.

368
00:18:07,033 --> 00:18:11,303
It doesn't change -- the happiest thing in the world is

369
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:12,800
being a father.

370
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:17,200
This day my 40-year-old son is
attorney general of the state of Delaware.

371
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,800
The President sees it in
my 39-year-old son and my

372
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,670
27-year-old daughter.

373
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:25,137
If my son, Attorney General,
Captain Biden walked in the door

374
00:18:25,133 --> 00:18:29,733
from Iraq today, the first thing
he'd do is walk up and give me a kiss.

375
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:30,864
I mean it.

376
00:18:30,867 --> 00:18:33,537
And this is not -- a kid who knows how to handle himself.

377
00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:36,463
But the point is it
gives me more joy,

378
00:18:36,467 --> 00:18:39,637
and I think it gives every
father in this room more joy

379
00:18:39,633 --> 00:18:42,333
than any other thing that
happens in your life,

380
00:18:42,333 --> 00:18:44,103
whether your son or
daughter does that.

381
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:46,370
So, Mr. President,
you're a great President.

382
00:18:46,367 --> 00:18:47,567
You're a great dad.

383
00:18:47,567 --> 00:18:49,137
And you're really
good to be doing this.

384
00:18:49,133 --> 00:18:50,363
It's a big deal.

385
00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:51,497
(applause)

386
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:52,370
The President:
Thank you.

387
00:18:52,367 --> 00:18:53,297
(applause)

388
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:54,170
All right.

389
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:55,536
(applause)

390
00:18:55,533 --> 00:18:56,633
Thank you.

391
00:18:56,633 --> 00:18:57,563
(applause)

392
00:18:57,567 --> 00:18:58,797
All right.

393
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,900
Anybody back here want to
comment on some of the things

394
00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:03,430
they heard or saw?

395
00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:04,303
Go ahead.

396
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:06,070
>> I'd like to ask you a
question, Mr. President.

397
00:19:06,066 --> 00:19:09,796
At one point you had to decide
you wanted to run for President,

398
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:10,870
with two young daughters.

399
00:19:10,867 --> 00:19:15,997
Can you share with us how
you had to wrestle with that decision?

400
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,770
The President:
Well, it's a great question and I think I've said this publicly

401
00:19:18,767 --> 00:19:23,767
before -- the first question, the threshold question that I

402
00:19:23,767 --> 00:19:28,067
had to ask in conjunction
with Michelle --

403
00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:30,096
because this was a
joint decision --

404
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:33,730
was could our family handle it?

405
00:19:33,734 --> 00:19:37,164
And frankly, if it hadn't been
for Michelle's extraordinary

406
00:19:37,166 --> 00:19:41,766
strength and commitment, I could
not have done it and would not

407
00:19:41,767 --> 00:19:43,267
have done it.

408
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:49,136
And she was able to handle,
for big chunks of time,

409
00:19:49,133 --> 00:19:51,003
being like a single mom.

410
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,830
Now, I want to emphasize
we are luckier than most;

411
00:19:54,834 --> 00:19:57,204
we've got more
resources than most.

412
00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:01,230
And so I don't want to diminish
how tough it is if you're

413
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:06,763
working two shifts,
you're coming home beat,

414
00:20:06,767 --> 00:20:13,337
and then suddenly you're also
expected to help on the homework

415
00:20:13,333 --> 00:20:15,163
and do all these things.

416
00:20:15,166 --> 00:20:17,396
It's a big challenge
for a lot of families.

417
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,000
And we had more
resources than most,

418
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,100
but it was still a very
difficult decision.

419
00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:24,570
Frankly, I don't think we would
have made the same decision if

420
00:20:24,567 --> 00:20:27,097
our kids were a little older.

421
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:31,600
Part of the reason it was okay
was because when I started

422
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:35,100
running, Sasha was
five, Malia was eight,

423
00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:38,270
and they were still in Chicago;
they had my mother-in-law,

424
00:20:38,266 --> 00:20:40,636
and they had a whole network and
a community and a family that

425
00:20:40,633 --> 00:20:43,263
could help and support them.

426
00:20:43,266 --> 00:20:46,696
And so as a consequence we
figured out they would thrive.

427
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:49,700
The person who suffered
the most was me,

428
00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:56,370
because I would be calling from
God knows where and they'd be

429
00:20:56,367 --> 00:20:58,197
having fun and laughing and --

430
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,000
(laughing)

431
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,000
-- and kids don't talk
on the phone that well.

432
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,630
(laughter)

433
00:21:04,633 --> 00:21:07,903
So I'd be, "Sasha,
how was your day?"

434
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,330
"Fine."

435
00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:13,533
(laughter)

436
00:21:13,533 --> 00:21:15,333
"What did you do?"

437
00:21:15,333 --> 00:21:16,403
"Nothing."

438
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,400
(laughter)

439
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,070
You guys have had
those conversations.

440
00:21:21,066 --> 00:21:22,096
(laughter)

441
00:21:22,100 --> 00:21:27,200
And so there were times where
just physically I wanted to just

442
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,530
be with them, and just couldn't.

443
00:21:29,533 --> 00:21:34,903
And so it was the hardest
part of deciding to run for President.

444
00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:36,900
The best thing about being
President, by the way,

445
00:21:36,900 --> 00:21:40,470
is having a home office,
because that means that --

446
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:42,497
(applause)

447
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:46,400
-- that means that I get
home for dinner and --

448
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,170
even if I have to
go back to work,

449
00:21:48,166 --> 00:21:50,196
and then that makes all the
difference in the world.

450
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,600
So, okay.

451
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:56,330
Ed, got one right behind you.

452
00:21:56,333 --> 00:21:57,503
No, no, got one -- right back.

453
00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:00,370
>> I'm used to you
throwing my questions away.

454
00:22:00,367 --> 00:22:01,397
The President:
No, I wouldn't do that.

455
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:02,300
Go ahead.

456
00:22:02,300 --> 00:22:02,930
>> I'm just kidding.

457
00:22:02,934 --> 00:22:04,934
Listen, I just wanted
to thank you very much.

458
00:22:04,934 --> 00:22:07,504
We started an initiative with Al
Dotson and a hundred black men

459
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:10,170
called "Daddy's Promise," which
really takes a look at fathers

460
00:22:10,166 --> 00:22:12,366
involving themselves in
their daughters' lives,

461
00:22:12,367 --> 00:22:14,337
and you've been a
great image for that.

462
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:17,333
And what I just wanted to tell
everybody is the service that

463
00:22:17,333 --> 00:22:20,933
you've given us, just with the
image of you and your family and

464
00:22:20,934 --> 00:22:24,734
your daughters, has gone and
made tenfold in terms of it

465
00:22:24,734 --> 00:22:28,234
being easier to tell men
to involve themselves,

466
00:22:28,233 --> 00:22:31,033
because as we know, the media
and the image is so powerful.

467
00:22:31,033 --> 00:22:32,733
And A, I'd like to
thank you very much --

468
00:22:32,734 --> 00:22:33,604
The President:
I appreciate that.

469
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:34,930
>> -- for that, and
being upfront on that --

470
00:22:34,934 --> 00:22:38,534
and encourage everyone to
do so in your neighborhoods,

471
00:22:38,533 --> 00:22:41,563
because as much as we look to
this man and others in the

472
00:22:41,567 --> 00:22:44,697
media, it is those of you who
are there on an everyday basis.

473
00:22:44,700 --> 00:22:48,570
And when you see parents with
children, it goes a long, long way.

474
00:22:48,567 --> 00:22:49,537
So we thank you for that.

475
00:22:49,533 --> 00:22:50,463
The President:
Well, I appreciate that.

476
00:22:50,467 --> 00:22:53,197
But I think you made
the right point, Ed,

477
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,870
which is it's one thing
seeing people on TV;

478
00:22:56,867 --> 00:23:04,267
it's another thing seeing that
young father down the street

479
00:23:04,266 --> 00:23:09,666
who's just like you, except he's
holding his baby in his arms,

480
00:23:09,667 --> 00:23:11,837
or taking that
toddler to the park,

481
00:23:11,834 --> 00:23:16,064
or participating in
the Little League.

482
00:23:16,066 --> 00:23:21,136
That's where young people
get sort of their images,

483
00:23:21,133 --> 00:23:27,763
what it means to be a man, more
than they do from whatever is on the screen.

484
00:23:27,767 --> 00:23:30,437
But I very much
appreciate what you said.

485
00:23:30,433 --> 00:23:35,263
Okay, I'm going to call on a
token mom here just so that she

486
00:23:35,266 --> 00:23:37,936
can comment on these things.

487
00:23:37,934 --> 00:23:39,464
>> I'm Reverend Dr.
Barbara Williams Skinner.

488
00:23:39,467 --> 00:23:40,497
The President:
It's great to see you.

489
00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:41,600
>> Good to see you.

490
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:44,970
I want to say for women -- I'm a mother and a grandmother --

491
00:23:44,967 --> 00:23:47,497
this is a day of
celebration for us.

492
00:23:47,500 --> 00:23:48,700
(applause)

493
00:23:48,700 --> 00:23:52,070
We just felt our
shoulders lifted.

494
00:23:52,066 --> 00:23:54,336
Not having had a
father, but I --

495
00:23:54,333 --> 00:24:00,133
thank you for Bill Cowher and
Mr. McDaniels from Run DMC,

496
00:24:00,133 --> 00:24:01,603
coming over to Ballou.

497
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,930
The only time you hear about
Ballou High School is when

498
00:24:03,934 --> 00:24:06,804
someone is shot or killed.

499
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:11,130
Today the kids asked us -- they said, "They're coming to see us?"

500
00:24:11,133 --> 00:24:14,603
So I want to thank
you on their behalf,

501
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,900
that you cared enough about
children who are on the other

502
00:24:17,900 --> 00:24:19,830
side of the river.

503
00:24:19,834 --> 00:24:25,734
And now, my question is, how do
we keep lifting up the stories

504
00:24:25,734 --> 00:24:30,804
of the kid who's not in trouble,
who goes past the drug dealers,

505
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:34,770
who decides to stay in school,
as opposed to all the --

506
00:24:34,767 --> 00:24:37,397
we spend so much emphasis
on what's not working.

507
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,900
How do we talk about
what is working?

508
00:24:39,900 --> 00:24:42,000
The President:
Well, look, I think
you make a great point.

509
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,400
First of all, I do want to thank
all these wonderful men who took

510
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,100
the time to go out
and -- Coach Cowher,

511
00:24:48,100 --> 00:24:50,930
this is the first time that you've seen Redskins fans

512
00:24:50,934 --> 00:24:51,804
cheer for you --

513
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:52,830
(laughter)

514
00:24:52,834 --> 00:24:55,304
-- that doesn't
happen that often --

515
00:24:55,300 --> 00:24:58,970
but these extraordinary men for
taking the time to do this.

516
00:24:58,967 --> 00:25:00,567
Please give them a
big round of applause.

517
00:25:00,567 --> 00:25:06,037
(applause)

518
00:25:06,033 --> 00:25:07,903
But I think you're
absolutely right, Reverend,

519
00:25:07,900 --> 00:25:12,670
that sometimes we've got to
lift up success instead of just

520
00:25:12,667 --> 00:25:20,767
remarking on failure, because -- the young men that I met at the

521
00:25:20,767 --> 00:25:25,067
trip that I took to Year Up, these were extraordinary young people.

522
00:25:25,066 --> 00:25:29,096
They were poised and they were
polished and they were --

523
00:25:29,100 --> 00:25:33,670
and these are all kids from the
neighborhood, but they had --

524
00:25:33,667 --> 00:25:37,497
somebody had reached out
to show that they care.

525
00:25:37,500 --> 00:25:41,470
And it turns out that young
people are incredibly resilient.

526
00:25:41,467 --> 00:25:43,867
It doesn't take that much.

527
00:25:43,867 --> 00:25:46,997
All it takes is somebody to
put a hand on them and say,

528
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:47,830
"You know what?

529
00:25:47,834 --> 00:25:49,704
You're important.

530
00:25:49,700 --> 00:25:51,530
And I'm listening to you."

531
00:25:51,533 --> 00:25:53,833
And if it's the wrong person
who's putting that hand on them,

532
00:25:53,834 --> 00:25:56,864
if it's the gang-banger that's
putting that hand on them,

533
00:25:56,867 --> 00:25:58,937
then they'll respond to that.

534
00:25:58,934 --> 00:26:03,864
And if it's a person in the
community who is working hard,

535
00:26:03,867 --> 00:26:05,797
they'll respond to that.

536
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:12,670
And so we do need to affirm
positive behavior and not just

537
00:26:12,667 --> 00:26:16,197
condemn negative behavior,
because a lot of times young

538
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:25,030
people just -- they just need
to be told that if you --

539
00:26:25,033 --> 00:26:27,303
one of the neat things about
this program that I was looking

540
00:26:27,300 --> 00:26:32,130
at was they had a whole code:
The first thing that they

541
00:26:32,133 --> 00:26:36,633
trained young people on was how
do you interact with others.

542
00:26:36,633 --> 00:26:38,833
So everybody that you met, they
were shaking your hand and

543
00:26:38,834 --> 00:26:41,264
looking at you in the eye
and they weren't mumbling.

544
00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:48,636
And there were certain words
that they had banned from usage

545
00:26:48,633 --> 00:26:50,333
-- not just curse words, either.

546
00:26:50,333 --> 00:26:52,233
They were saying, you know,
don't go around saying,

547
00:26:52,233 --> 00:26:54,903
"Shorty" and "What's up, G?"

548
00:26:54,900 --> 00:26:57,370
and -- because that's
not professional.

549
00:26:57,367 --> 00:27:01,867
And all that was
important to them,

550
00:27:01,867 --> 00:27:04,537
and they absorbed
it very quickly.

551
00:27:04,533 --> 00:27:08,403
But it requires spending a
little time and then lifting up

552
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:09,570
some role models.

553
00:27:09,567 --> 00:27:11,937
Mr. Strautmanis:
Last question.

554
00:27:11,934 --> 00:27:13,234
The President:
All right.

555
00:27:13,233 --> 00:27:15,333
This is always tough,
the last-question thing.

556
00:27:15,333 --> 00:27:16,403
(laughter)

557
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:17,930
I'm going to call on one of
these young people again.

558
00:27:17,934 --> 00:27:18,704
Here you go.

559
00:27:18,700 --> 00:27:19,570
Go ahead.

560
00:27:19,567 --> 00:27:20,967
This young man right
here, he had his hand up.

561
00:27:20,967 --> 00:27:21,967
>> I was wondering --

562
00:27:21,967 --> 00:27:22,897
The President:
What's your name?

563
00:27:22,900 --> 00:27:25,630
>> I'm Nick, and I'm
also from St. Albans.

564
00:27:25,633 --> 00:27:27,203
The President:
Hey, Nick.

565
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:28,300
Yes, you're with this crew here.

566
00:27:28,300 --> 00:27:30,300
>> And, Mr. President, I was wondering how you felt when you

567
00:27:30,300 --> 00:27:32,770
first became a father.

568
00:27:32,767 --> 00:27:34,897
The President:
Well, let me tell you
the story of me --

569
00:27:34,900 --> 00:27:39,070
first of all, Malia was
born on the Fourth of July.

570
00:27:39,066 --> 00:27:44,096
And every first father has this
memory of you're waiting and

571
00:27:44,100 --> 00:27:47,970
you're waiting, and then
suddenly Michelle woke me up at

572
00:27:47,967 --> 00:27:54,267
around three, four o'clock,
and I was sleepy, and she says,

573
00:27:54,266 --> 00:27:58,136
"Hey, buster, I think
this may be happening."

574
00:27:58,133 --> 00:28:01,303
And you jump out --
it was like a movie.

575
00:28:01,300 --> 00:28:05,070
I was jumping out of the bed and
looking for my shoes and the bag.

576
00:28:05,066 --> 00:28:11,336
And things went fairly smoothly.

577
00:28:11,333 --> 00:28:20,863
But the first time you see that
child, and bringing her home,

578
00:28:20,867 --> 00:28:22,237
driving really slow --

579
00:28:22,233 --> 00:28:23,803
(laughter)

580
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:29,000
-- in that little car
seat -- and then that night,

581
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:33,830
knowing that there was this new life inside your house in a

582
00:28:33,834 --> 00:28:39,334
little bassinet, and remembering to check on them every five

583
00:28:39,333 --> 00:28:41,703
minutes to make sure they're still breathing --

584
00:28:41,700 --> 00:28:44,070
(laughter)

585
00:28:44,066 --> 00:28:48,996
-- and then feeling them lying on your chest when you've fed

586
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,100
them and they're
falling asleep --

587
00:28:52,100 --> 00:28:57,030
and you knew at that
moment something had --

588
00:28:57,033 --> 00:28:59,303
if you're not a father yet,
people say and you don't

589
00:28:59,300 --> 00:29:01,470
believe, which is,
at that moment,

590
00:29:01,467 --> 00:29:06,437
you realize you will do
anything for that child.

591
00:29:06,433 --> 00:29:08,733
There's nothing you
wouldn't do for them --

592
00:29:08,734 --> 00:29:12,864
in a heartbeat.

593
00:29:12,867 --> 00:29:20,337
And that bond between a parent
and a child is something that is precious.

594
00:29:20,333 --> 00:29:22,233
It's sacred.

595
00:29:22,233 --> 00:29:25,303
And it's a true blessing.

596
00:29:25,300 --> 00:29:31,470
And sometimes I think in the
hustle of life you forget what a

597
00:29:31,467 --> 00:29:33,567
blessing that is,
and that ultimately,

598
00:29:33,567 --> 00:29:39,367
after all this stuff is done,
after Joe and I are retired and

599
00:29:39,367 --> 00:29:40,967
nobody knows our name --

600
00:29:40,967 --> 00:29:42,897
(laughter)

601
00:29:42,900 --> 00:29:45,930
-- the one thing that
we'll remember is --

602
00:29:45,934 --> 00:29:49,304
are those moments when
you were holding your kid,

603
00:29:49,300 --> 00:29:52,400
and watching them grow, and
the first time they walked.

604
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,100
And that's the stuff
that will stay with you.

605
00:29:55,100 --> 00:30:01,370
And that's why, if there's one
last thing I want to communicate

606
00:30:01,367 --> 00:30:04,997
to those fathers who maybe
haven't been involved in their

607
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:14,730
child's life, it's to emphasize
that this isn't an obligation.

608
00:30:14,734 --> 00:30:17,304
This is a privilege
to be a father.

609
00:30:17,300 --> 00:30:18,430
(applause)

610
00:30:18,433 --> 00:30:22,433
And that's something that
all of us should take on for themselves.

611
00:30:22,433 --> 00:30:24,463
So, thank you, everybody,
for participating.

612
00:30:24,467 --> 00:30:25,267
I appreciate you.

613
00:30:25,266 --> 00:30:26,166
Thank you.

614
00:30:26,166 --> 00:30:29,396
(applause)