File:Whims and oddities - in prose and verse (1836) (14786381073).jpg

Identifier: whimsodditiesinp00hoo (find matches)
Title: Whims and oddities : in prose and verse
Year: 1836 (1830s)
Authors: Hood, Thomas, 1799-1845
Subjects:
Publisher: London : C. Tilt
Contributing Library: The Library of Congress
Digitizing Sponsor: The Library of Congress

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Malthus rail at babies so ?The smallness of his Philopro—What severs man and wife ? a simpleDefect of the Adhesive pimple: 318 CRANIOLOGY. Or makes weak women go astray ? Their bumps are more in fault than they. These facts being found and set in order By grave M.D.s beyond the Border, To make them for some few months eternal, Were enterd monthly in a journal, That many a northern sage still writes in, And throws his little Northern Lights in, And proves and proves about the phrenos, A great deal more than I or he knows. How Music suffers, par exemple, By wearing tight hats round the temple; What ills great boxers have to fear From blisters put behind the ear: And how a porters Veneration Is hurt by porters occupation : Whether shillelaghs in reality May deaden Individuality: Or tongs and poker be creative Of alterations in th Amative : If falls from scaffolds make us less Inclind to all Constructiveness : With more such matters, all applying To heads—and therefore headifymg. 319
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honour calls him to the field/ AN AFFAIR OF HONOUR. * And those were the only duels, concluded the major, that ever I fought in my life. Now the major reminded me strongly of an old boat-man at Hastings, who, after a story of a swimmer thatwas snapped asunder by a sea attorney in the WestIndies, made an end in the same fashion :— And thatwas the only time/ said he, I ever saw a man bit intwo by a shark. 320 AN AFFAIR OF HONOUR. A single occurrence of the kind seemed sufficient forthe experience of one life; and so I reasoned upon themajors nine duels. He must, in the first place, havebeen not only jealous and swift to quarrel: but, in thesecond, have met with nine intemperate spirits equallyforward with himself. It is but in one affront out of tenthat the duellist meets with a duellist: a computationassigning ninety mortal disagreements to his single share;whereas I, with equal irritability and as much courageperhaps, had never exchanged a card in my life. Thesubject occupied me all

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