File:Thomas Butler Gunn Diaries- Volume 1, page 16, August 11-15, 1849.jpg

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boarding-house George [Bolton] and Joe [Greatbatch] are at. Its cheaper; $2 1/2 a week, (of course, nothing like the accommodation.) No matter, it behoves me to do it. / Could I, I would be off an join the Hungarians against Austria and Russia — ‘twould be the noblest way of committing suicide possible. I am heartily weary of this long, long, continued struggle for an object I despise while I desire it — money. Oh God, oh God — what were my hopes and aspirings but five years ago — love, honour, — all moderate success, — day dreams all — One thing can I do, resolve not to return unsuccessful. Oh Mary [Bilton] — did I not love you, how little would I care about playing out any part in this most wretched farce of Life. Heavily, heavily, hangs it on my hands. I think and write of you Mary with blinding tears and such a sick yearning of heart, now. Oh that I could lie my head on your breast and die — pass away like a tired child to sleep.

12. Sunday. Reading, [Thomas] Carlyle’s “Past and Present.” In the Evening with George and a fellow lodger of ours for a brief but tedious stroll. With young [Ben] Haun, the landlady’s son down to the dock, witnessing a fire over at New York, uptown.

[13. Monday through 15. Wednesday] At work on the wood-blocks each day. Very much matagrabolized. “Ben” Haun generally sitting with me. There’s much of the “B’hoy”