File:The female - impersonators; a sequel to the Autobiography of an androgyne and an account of some of the author's experiences during his six years' career as instinctive female-impersonator in New (14579329669).jpg

Identifier: femaleimpersonat00wert (find matches)
Title: The female - impersonators; a sequel to the Autobiography of an androgyne and an account of some of the author's experiences during his six years' career as instinctive female-impersonator in New York's underworld ..
Year: 1922 (1920s)
Authors: Werther, Ralph Herzog, Alfred W. (Alfred Waldemar), 1866-1933, ed
Subjects: Paraphilias
Publisher: New York, The Medico-Legal journal
Contributing Library: Duke University Libraries
Digitizing Sponsor: Duke University Libraries

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ow myselfon a grass-covered grave, writhe in an agony of moans,and even shriek. All my muscles seemed to be rigid,and my fists were clinched. I would dig my finger-nails into my palms, and throw my arms about wildly. Change my nature, 0 God, I would cry. Thisvery moment. By a miracle. Give me the mind andpowers of a man. 78 My Temptations Hardly Equalled. Am I being tried by fire, as the Bible predictsfor Gods children? Are others so tried by fire as Ihave been nearly all my life? (After half-a-century of rare opportunities tolearn human nature, I have ascertained that I wastried worse than any one else I have heard of—that is,by torture of sexual desire that must not be gratified,and practically was not from seven to eighteen, inclu-sive. I was tried by fire a hundred times as hot as theaverage person ever knows. Probably so hot becauseof my intense fairie-ism from two to six. I believe Ihave, for years together, resisted lust many times asintense as the average person ever knows.)
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My Garden of Gethsemane In My Garden of Gethsemane. 79 I am experiencing the enslaving power of sin.I now know how to sympathize with poor drunkardsand harlots. I will flog and starve myself in order toconquer my flesh. (I actually fasted and flagellatedmyself to ascertain the effect in deadening my amor-ousness but found these religious exercises useless.) I feel to-night that I can never become a preach-er of the Gospel. I feel that I must give up all plansfor a noble career, and that maybe I shall come to adisgraceful end! Oh that all instinct would die in me! It makesmy life miserable. How gladly would I be free fromall desire so that I could make a name for myself inthe world! An extreme girl-boy can hardly becomea scholar and a preacher. Is it my divinely appointed task to learn thelesson of resignation in affliction? To feel myselfcrushed to earth by the Almighty Hand? Like Isaac,to be tried in order to see whether I am willing to beslain in my youth—in my own case morally? a

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