File:Of all things (1922) (14595233837).jpg

Identifier: ofallthings00benc (find matches)
Title: Of all things
Year: 1922 (1920s)
Authors: Benchley, Robert, 1889-1945
Subjects:
Publisher: London : John Lane, The Bodley Head
Contributing Library: University Library, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
Digitizing Sponsor: University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

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elf, for I shall not be waitedon until every one else has left the counter andthey are putting the nets over the caramels for thenight. I know that. Ive gone through it toomany times to be deceived. For there is something about the reahzationthat I must shout out my order ahead of someone else that absolutely inhibits my shoutingpowers. I will stand against the counter, fingeringmy ten-cent check and waiting for the clerk to comenear enough for me to tell him what I want, while,in the meantime, ten or a dozen people have edgedup next to me and given their orders, received theirdrinks and gone away. Every once in a while Icatch a clerks eye and lean forward murmuring, Coffee ^but that is as far as I get. Someone else has shoved his way in and shouted, Coca-Cola, and I draw back to get out of the way ofthe vichy spray. (Incidentally, the men who pushtheir way in and footfault on their orders alwaysask for Coca-Cola. Somehow it seems likepainting the lily for them to order a nervetonic.)
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Placing both hands on the counter, I emit what promises to bea perfect bellow. 200 OF ALL THINGS! I then decide that the thing for me to do is tospeak up loud and act brazenly. So I clear mythroat, and, placing both hands on the counter,emit what promises to be a perfect bellow: COFFEE, MEGG AND ILK. This makes justabout the impression youd think it would, both onmy neighbours and the clerk, especially as it isdelivered in a tone which ranges from a rich bari-tone to a rather rasping tenor. At this I with-draw and go to the other end of the counter,where I can begin life over again with a cleanslate. Here, perhaps, I am suddenly confronted byan impatient clerk who is in a perfect frenzy tograb my check and tear it into bits to drop in hisbox. Whats yours ? he fhngs at me. Iimmediately lose my memory and forget what itwas that I wanted. But here is a man who hasa lot of people to wait on and who doubtless getspaid according to the volume of business he bringsin. I have no right to inte

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