File:Belai The Cannibal (2381650346).jpg

As cannibals are wont to do, Belai ate people, by some accounts as many as 72, including members of his own family. Here, Belai is depicted eating part of one of his victims. By the way, there is a long tradition in Ethiopia of eating slivers of raw meat that have been severed from the source by a wicked sharp blade.

One day, Belai came across a leper begging for water by the side of the road. Instead of eating him, which he certainly could have done, Belai gave him water and went looking for someone else to eat.

Even cannibals die, though, and when Belai died Satan was right there waiting to receive his soul after judgment. After all, it was a no-brainer. That is, it would have been an open and shut case for sending Belai to the fiery furnace if the Virgin Mary hadn't intervened, presumably from her corner office in Heaven.

"Whoa," said Mary, "this dreadful cannibal showed pity on a thirsty leper and gave him water. That's simply heavenly!" And so Belai waltzed through the rope line and into Heaven. "My name," said Belai, "is on the guest list." Satan was foiled again.

The moral of this story? It's not what you gnaw, but who you know.